How much is that doggy in the window?

So I am not going to spend this entry rationalizing why I should or should not get a dog. Mostly because I'm afraid should not would win out. The allergies and responsibility and messes....I'm not sure that sounds like me, but I do want a dog. And I have for a while. Every month or so I'll jump on petfinder.com and see if there are any dogs screaming at me to be mine. Well yesterday when I did this, I found one. She's a beagle/golden mix which should make for such a good dog. Oh, and she's gorgeous. I could post the picture from petfinder, but that would be a little creepy so I'm not doing that. I'll wait. I basically just wanted to get it out here so nobody would be shocked when I came home with a dog one day. I will keep you posted.

2008: A Look Back

It has been an interesting year. And while it's been tough at times, interesting is better than mundane. I am attempting to get it all out here, really wrap up 2008 so I'm not dwelling in 2009 because 2009 is so going to be my year. I think I'm going to break the year up into thirds. I can see clear definition between the three parts of the year, and I think it's important that I can reflect on the good, the bad and the ugly.

January - April: Married

I know this seems almost morbid, and I'll make it brief, but at least the first couple months of 2008 were pretty good. We had good times. (This is why the whole divorce thing came as kind of a shock to many, including myself, but I'm not dwelling.) There was a lot of Rock Band, which I genuinely miss. I was starting to get really good, and now the world will never know. New Year's weekend last year was a lot of fun, as I recall. A lot of old friends were in town and we got to see Records Record Records for what I believe was the first time - for us at least - at which time we came up with a slew of band names that were better than 'Records Record Records', including our favorite 'The Carnivorous Wingtips', which will really take off one of these days. These first couple months of the year also included a lot of Rock Bottom, a little high school basketball, Robby's Lost party (See here), more Rock Band, and the Reds game with the best 7th inning stretch ever.

May - August: Separated

Summertime! This season brought my lowest lows and my highest highs. It's odd how I was able to have some of my best times while almost simultaneously experiencing my worst times ever (Sorry I don't have pictures of that, but I'm sure you can imagine - some of you got to live it with me - my appreciation and apologies) I'll start with a brief timeline: The first weekend of May, like the day before Mark's birthday, he told me he didn't want to be married anymore. Throughout most of May, I fought it, we fought, I cried, we didn't talk, etc. He moved out on my birthday, May 26. I don't think he chose my birthday to try and twist the dagger or anything because it happened to be Memorial Day which made it convenient, but it does make my story a little better. So after my husband left me - on my birthday, no less - I continued to live in denial for a little while longer and eventually accepted that Mark wasn't coming back. Ashlee was living with me, which was a godsend. We moved out of mine and Mark's apartment into "the cottage" on the west side. Mark finally filed for divorce in August. I don't really feel the need to reflect on the low points. I think you can figure that part out.

There were some highlights. It actually turned out to be the best summer I've had in a long time. The country radio station, WFMS, sells this country mega-ticket in February for all of the country concerts in the summer. Well, I had bought this because it is a really good deal, and I was thinking I could take Ashlee to a couple as her birthday present and I could probably find somebody to go to the rest with me. So Ashlee and I ended up going to all five shows, and had an awesome time. It ended up raining at some point during at least three of the shows, but we endured. In addition to those shows at Deer Creek (suck it, Verizon) we saw Chuck Wicks at the State Fair, and thanks to Ward (many thanks!) got to see Buffett as well. Now, I wasn't always in the mood to go out, but looking back I have some of the best memories ever from our summer concert tour. Ashlee probably deserves some credit for that so while I have already thanked her with free concert tickets and three months free room and board, I will give her a public shout out as well. Thanks Ash! :-) In addition to the concerts, other highlights included decorating the cottage, How I Met Your Mother marathons (Ashlee and I are good at watching TV) a few parties (I am using this term very loosely for lack of a better term because these 'parties' usually consisted of the same 6 or 7 people, but were always awesome!), some good movies (Sex and the City, Mama Mia, etc) and a week long vacation with the 'rents at the lake. I was surrounded by friends and family (I think that is normal after a traumatic event) and while I didn't avoid what I was going through, I didn't have too much time to dwell on it. I am so grateful to all of you who were there for me, supported me, and made me laugh. I'll add and acknowledgments section at the end (remind me if I forget). This summer I had a lot to deal with, but I was able to grow closer to a lot of important people and learn a little bit about myself. Turns out I'm a tough cookie. :-)

September - December: Divorced

So the warm summer nights faded into fall, and I learned it's easier to be single when it's nice outside. Things got a little tougher in the fall. Ashlee moved out, which left me all alone, all the time. The divorce was final in October, and I changed my name back. I think being alone all the time was an adjustment. I've never lived all alone before. It is something I have gotten used to...maybe too used to it, as I have become something of a recluse. Well, not really, but this cold part of the year hasn't been quite as fun as the warm parts. I have been learning to be single again. The rules are different, and when Ash was with me she kind of took the place of my plus 1 so it wasn't until she left that I really had to face life alone. I have been trying to figure out what's appropriate when dating. I've been used to not having to try so hard, and I tend to come off a little crazy. But I'm working on that.

The fall consisted of Purdue Volleyball, Kenny and Keith at Lucas Oil, Lindsay's return to Indiana, our awesome pumpkins, an amazing night filled with Cranium where we (me, Ashlee, Robby, Sara, and Cic) discovered that we are hilarious, another move (I now live in Castleton), my discovery of the Twilight Series, a trip to Colorado for the Sweet 16 (Thanks NCAA), and of course the holidays.

I feel good 85% of the time, and while I am not completely healed, I am definitely getting there. All and all, there has been more good than bad this year, and I am grateful to be blessed with so many people who care about me and a good attitude. This recap could have definitely been a lot more depressing than it was. 2008 has brought me joy and pain and taught me a few things about life as well as myself, but I am happy to see it go. I am looking forward to the future, fresh starts and 2009. It's a new year and anything can happen!

Acknowledgements

I would like to take a moment to thank everyone who made this year possible. First of all, my family. My parents who have supported me and will always be there for me no matter what. My siblings: Lindsay for being her and helping me to see things in a different perspective, Ashlee for just being there and for knowing me well enough to know what I needed when I needed it and giving me that, and Kyle for being such an amazingly awesome person and for having basically the same brain as me so you totally get me and make me laugh. My friends, which sounds so cliche, but I was worried I would lose all my friends in the divorce, but I have had a lot of people who didn't leave even though that might have been easier. Soups, Clint, Fish and Joe while you are Mark's friends, and technically only friends with me because of him, you all in your own way let me know that you still cared about me and were my friend. Some of you took longer to get around to it, but I understand and am glad you made it. Soups, I have to give you special props because you didn't skip a beat. You didn't hesitate. You were just there, and I would have completely understood if you had needed time, but you knew that I needed you more so thank you! Ami and Amanda both only knew me as part of Mark and Karli, and it's not easy to transition that kind of relationship and I appreciate the effort you have made. Robby and Sara, you two have been there for me since day one as well, and you weren't afraid to let anyone know who's side you were on, which meant a lot. Cic, you also were never on the fence with your allegiance, but it would have been weird if you were. You were always there when no one else was. I feel the need to throw Ward in here as well. I am glad to have you as a friend. Leslie, I appreciate your experience and sympathy, and Becky I appreciate what a good friend you have been by just being there for whatever I needed, whether it was to go out and do something or just to watch TV and understanding when I didn't want to do anything. Then, I think last but not least would be Scott and Aaron, who were also on Team Karli from day one...before that really. You guys both together and individually have looked out for me and taken care of me. I don't think a day has gone by that I haven't talked to one or both of you. You are the people that I know would report me missing if something happened because you would know. Thank you for worrying about me.

It's been a long December...

and there's reason to believe maybe this year will be better than the last.

So I have just about survived the holidays, and I am trying to stay optimistic about 2009. I have had a little bit of a regression in my healing process. I'll go a long time and think I'm completely fine and healed and then it's Thanksgiving and I'm driving home alone and there's something about it that's so different and hard to deal with. I just have to get through New Year's, which we are referring to as "Ashlee's Birthday", well she is. Whatever we call it, I feel like I'm on the home stretch.

I'm ready for 2009. I'm ready for new episodes of my shows. Some people think I watch too much TV. I don't care what they think because I love my TV shows. I miss Gossip Girl (You know you love me) and How I met your mother (Haave you met Ted?), The Office (That's what she said) and Grey's Anatomy (Seriously)....Not to mention the shows that haven't been on for a year (or more) like Lost(bom - that's supposed to be that sound you hear when LOST swings across the screen) and 24 which hasn't been on for two years thanks to last year's writer's strike. It's amazing terrorists haven't taken over the country with Jack Bauer on hiatus. And Scrubs is moving to ABC so I'm excited to see what Turk and JD are getting into.

I need to get a life, I know.

Cooperation turns me on

Just a couple brief things tonight... First of all, I am enjoying The City. It is a welcome change from The Hills, which is getting a little played out, in my opinion. I even found myself watching Bromance tonight to get my Brody Jenner fix.



Secondly, I'm obsessed with Mahjong Tiles or Titans or whatever the game on my computer is called. I just sit here and stare at it for hours on end. OK, that is an exaggeration, but too much time for sure.

I'm thinking of moving to Lafayette...How big of a mistake would that be? My life here is complicated and unstable. I need a change of pace. Opinions are welcome.

And it was all yellow

My Dellow came today!!

I've had the same computer since 2001. July of 2001 to be exact. That's seven and a half years, which is like 110 years old in computer years. It's been a good computer, and it is still kicking which is very impressive for a 110 year old desk top computer, but it's time to send it to the retirement home so I'm going to leave it plugged in upstairs, but I don't want to overuse it. It requires a lot of rest. So that brings me to my new computer, my Dellow. I don't really know if this Dellow thing is going to stick. It was funny the first time I thought of it...well actually I think Lindsay thought of it. (The computer is a Dell and it is yellow, hence Dellow) It isn't rolling off the tongue like I'd like it too so I'm going to retire the use of the term Dellow. For now, at least. I love it though, whatever I'm calling it. I haven't had a new computer for so long, and I haven't had a laptop ever. It makes me happy. Plus, it has a built in webcam so I am considering adding a video element to this blog... Just something to think about.

I don't have any other funny stories, but I plan to write more regularly now that I have my new dellow (I pulled it out of retirement...I'm crazy like that, apparently).

The title of this blog, combined with it's inspiration is making me want to listen to that Coldplay album. I'm going to go see if I can find it. Some things I would like to write about in the near future since I haven't written forever would be: The Twilight Saga, my job, Vampires....OK that's all I've got.

My last day...

There is no reason that I should still have my job after the amount of work that I have not done today. I am going to have to come in tomorrow just to do the three things that I needed to get done today. That's ridiculous! It's 4:35 and I am here until 5:00. I just cracked open my second Monster of the day in the hopes that it somehow magically transformed into speed or crack or crystal meth or Comcast PowerBoost® so I can get all of my work done at super human speed and be able to go home knowing I am not a failure. I'm still waiting for it to kick in. I have spent a good majority of the day reading other people's blogs. And not just recent ones but archives. Am I really so bored that I need to know what Bri and Jake were getting into in July, 2005?? Apparently. I don't know what it is with me today. I have some sort of a mental illness or something where I physically can't do any work. It's like I am literally glued to my chair and my mouse is incapable of clicking on anything, but websites that would be considered off limits if I worked at National City. I'll still probably clear my history, but it's not like anybody is going to check it. That is unless they realize that I've been sitting here for 8 hours doing NOTHING! OK, who am I kidding? I didn't get here until 9:30 so I've only been sitting here for 7 hours and 20 minutes, but who's counting? Obviously nobody. That's why I love my job. OK, now it's 4:54 and all the crack has helped me do is write this blog. Which in the grander scheme of things might end up being more important to society than daily balancing sheets and expense reports. But I'm still going to have to come in tomorrow to do those things since my blog has not yet gained the kind of recognition it needs to garner the significance I'm talking about. OK, I'm going downstairs to turn off the lights and hopefully when I come back up nobody will be at the door and I will lock it and go home. Last night 15 people showed up at 6:05 and wanted to move in right away so I was here for an hour and a half and guess what? They didn't move in! Bitches! So I'll let you know how it goes tonight...OK, door's locked, blinds are closed and I'm getting out of here. Yay! OK, I have to post two credit card payments then I really am leaving. I'm heading down to Bloomington to watch the Boilermakers take on the Hoosiers in an exciting match up. I'm talking about volleyball, if you don't know me. Boiler up!

Falling Down

Is it weird that the summer my husband left me ended up being the best summer I've had in a really long time?? I'm trying to figure out why exactly, but I can't put my finger on it. I'm missing the summer and trying to figure out why so I can bottle the magic. Was it the new freedom? the new apartment? new roommate? the happy pills? the concerts? country music? work? home? family? friends? lovers? secret lovers? [OK, I'm just trying to ruffle feathers with a couple of those :)] I don't know...and I need to find out because I'm starting to lose it. It's been down hill since Labor Day. I'm up, I'm down, I'm healed, I'm depressed. I don't know what my deal is.

The kicker is that I love the fall. It's a great season. The sun's still shining, but there's a chill in the air. It's the season for football, sweatshirts, season premieres, Some Devil - I only listen to it in the fall, Macintosh Yankee candles, chili and volleyball games.

Now the obvious answer to what was different this summer is that Mark wasn't around. Duh, but that doesn't explain why I'm suddenly feeling down. Am I coming down from some weird high? A lot of the fall things do remind me of Mark. We loved the fall together so I think that is part of it. But oddly, some of the things that I loved in the summer are irritating me in the fall... I'm going to keep working on it.

In other news, I don't really have any other news. There's a lot going on at work, but I don't know if it would be funny if you don't work here. If you do work here, it's hilarious, but you aren't reading this...unless you're me and I'm writing it so it's to the point where it's not funny anymore because I've played it over too many times.

I think I'm going to write my next blog about Sarah Palin...or "your face" or both.