I'm tired of being alone so hurry up and get here...

Tuesdays...

I would like to apologize for the error in communication. When I said I would write at least every Tuesday, my intention was to have at least one new post a week so if you checked once a week you would always have at least one new something to read. Going forward, I will be sure that there is something new posted on Tuesday even if I post three new things in the week prior. I hope this clears things up, Soups and Pooh!

Discipline

Dating: It's a numbers game and I suck at it. I expect every guy I meet to fall head over heels for me. What's that about?!? The fact that I haven't completely failed means that if I were playing the game like I'm supposed to I think I'd actually be pretty good at it. Numbers game. Numbers game. I just have to keep reminding myself of that. I need a few more coals in the fire and I think they'd all do better. Coals? I don't think it's coals. What do I need in the fire here? What's the expression? Anyway, I think you get what I'm trying to say here. (EDITOR'S NOTE: It's irons in the fire, not coals. It just came to me.)

Anyway, here's what I've learned so far about dating boys. 1. Nobody's gonna buy the cow if they can get the milk for free. 2. They always want what they can't have.

Sounds simple enough. So why is it so hard? To successfully navigate this... I hate to call it a game but that's what it is, I need to do a lot of things different. I need to stop worrying so much for one. I spend half my time analyzing the other half of it and being angry. I need to stop being so angry. And I need to start doing. Eating healthier, working out, getting out, organizing my life, enjoying myself. I think if I do this, everything else will fall into place. I was just watching Mercy [It's another new show. I think I'm going to do a recap of all the fall TV that I've been watching. That way it wasn't for nothing. I'm just waiting on the week to finish out. There are some good shows on tomorrow night.] and there was a nurse who everybody wanted. She kept ignoring calls from this hot lawyer guy and everyone kept asking her why and she just replied, "Discipline". I need the discipline to not get caught up in every little thing. I've got to spread it out....share the love and I'm hoping once I stop worrying about it, I won't need to worry about it quite so much.

Managing Expectations

I'm watching Eastwick from last night (it's a new show about witches and rather entertaining), at least the first 20 minutes of it so I can fast forward through the commercials on Grey's. In the last 10 minutes, I've decided two things. One is that I like the name Roxanne. The other is that I think I would seem much less crazy if I were more eccentric. It's all about managing expectations. If I start reading tarroh cards, wearing scarves and buying Buddha statues, people won't expect me to be sane.

As it is now, I come off a little too normal at first glance. This is deceiving and sets unrealistic expectations. I'm going to work on changing that.

Just a goof...

I should be on a commercial for match.com. You know, I'm just a goof looking for my ball?? That girl is lame! I on the other hand am what match.com is all about. So I paid for a 6 month membership six months ago under the ruse that "if you don't find a match in 6 months, the next 6 months is free"....Well it turns out there are a lot of stipulations to that rule and I got lazy and tired of stupid match so I don't qualify because I didn't send enough e-mails. On top of that the stupid thing auto-renewed my account at the end of the six months even though i never get on there anymore. I still get e-mails daily from guys writing or winking or whatever, and today I got an e-mail from a guy saying that he joined Match just to e-mail me. Now that I say that out loud it sounds like it could be a line, and a good one at that, but I didn't think that when I read it so obviously it worked. Apparently, I have something that gives people hope. OK, that's an overstatement, but this guy was checking out match.com after seeing the goofball girl on the commercial with moderate to low expectations and then saw me and thought, "hey, maybe there is somebody on here for me". Turns out he was wrong because I won't be writing him back, but it's the thought that counts and I appreciate that. Made me feel good.

I have also made a decision that I will be updating this blog every Tuesday. It's possible there will be more frequent updates, but at least every Tuesday so check back next Tuesday for another update!

Feels like Wednesday...

I know I haven't written forever, but my computer's been broken. I keep thinking of things to write about, but I don't have anywhere to write them...so they've been going in my private diary instead, which I guess is good for my future grandchildren who I assume will eventually find it after my death and read about all the not so wild escapades of their grandmother, but not so good for you, my readers. I only hope you can forgive me.

So it's Friday afternoon, going on evening and once again I have no plans. I've been feeling sorry for myself the last couple weeks, but I've come to the conclusion that that isn't doing anything for me. So to clarify, that is not what I am doing right now.

I've come to another conclusion in my absence. My posts lately haven't been as good as they were a year ago because I'm censoring myself more than I used to. I think this is mostly due to the fact that there's a chance that the people in my stories could be reading this which wasn't so much the case last year. And whether it's a fear of hurting feelings or embarassing myself, I leave out most of the good stuff and what's left is hardly worth reading. I'm going to work on that because the truth is that nobody really reads this so the odds of somebody reading something I don't want them to read are pretty slim. I'm still doing it though....right now, I'm afraid to write what I want to. I'll try baby steps, maybe.

For the last couple of weeks, Ashlee has been talking about moving down here and, most likely, moving in with me. This was originally my idea because we're both pretty lonely most of the time and she's living in Lafayette which is no fun. She was excited of course and began applying for jobs, but isn't so good at looking at the reality of the situation which is she's in a lease that she can't afford to break so she's pretty much stuck until March. This means that I'm stuck, too. But I'm not stuck in Lafayette. I'm here in Indianapolis, a hip and happening metropolis! I shouldn't be staying in every Friday night. I'm way too pretty for that! Seriously! I almost titled a post that a couple weeks ago. I am pretty, and right now I'm tan, too, which isn't going to last forever so I need to stop dilly-dallying and get out there. I'm also fun, and not always in a loud, annoying way although that does happen sometimes. I just don't know why I can't figure out how to be out there. That's my current mission. Advice is welcome. As our invitations. Anywhere, really. I'm not picky. I just need to get out of the house!

It's now officially Friday evening, however I have no plans and three work days ahead of me before I get a day off. Friday has lost all meaning to me. It feels more like Wednesday, and there's nothing exciting about a Wednesday.

Attention Reader(s):

Go back and read my old posts. I just did and they are really good. Apparently depression suited me artistically. This will also give you something to do while I get over my writers block and get a new battery for my computer and get over my mini-depression (I can tell it's not a real depression because I can't write like I could last summer). I may have some updates for you in the near future as well. Let's hope.