The Week Before High School

August 12, 1996

Dear Diary,

Today is Monday. I just got back from riding Jennifer home. It was hilarious. We stopped at Dennis'. We sat there forever trying to find a rock or piece of mulch to throw at his window. Then when we found one and threw it, he didn't even do anything.

Last night was so much fun. Yesterday was Sunday and because of volleyball it's our only day off right now. Until school starts, we have two practices a day. School starts in 8 days. this summer has flown by. I am not ready to go back. Kind of I am, but mostly I'm not. It's not just the going back to school thing that bothers me. We are going to be freshman. We're going to Central. I'm kind of scared. My dad said if I could go from Burris to Northside, I could definitely go from Northside to Central.

Last night was so much fun. Meredith, Jennifer, Nikki, Stacy, Courtney, Kelly and I all went putt-putting (in one car). We had country night, and we didn't listen to anything but country. It was so fun. Kelly broke a couple of driving rules, but hey it was worth it. Next week we're going bowling. It's gonna be "oldies night". I can't wait.

I don't know who I like. I might like Bryan, but I don't know. The other day, I went over to Meredith's. Then Bryan came over. He got there two hours later than he said he was coming. He didn't stay very long. Then we went to his house to jump on the trampoline. Then we left.

This was obviously the summer before Freshman year. I was fourteen. I really like this entry. I feel like it gives a good picture of what this summer was about. When I said I rode Jennifer home, that was on my bike. I'm not sure why that was necessary, but we spent a lot of time on our bikes that summer. A lot of people I knew lived within biking distance so that bicycle gave me a lot of independence. I'm amused by how amusing I found the Dennis' house incident. It didn't take much, I guess.

I know I was scared to go to high school. Everything scared me then. I was scared to transfer to Northside in 8th grade. I was scared if high school. It was all very scary. I thought people were going to make me smoke and drink. Seriously, this is what I was afraid of. In my defense, I did see people smoke and drink after I transferred, but nobody made me do it.

My favorite part is the part about putt-putting. This is one of the stories in this old diary that I actually remember. As many of you know, I don't have a great memory, and many of my old memories are hiding in my brain somewhere. For this reason, I guess it's good I kept a diary. Anyway, I remember this night. Meredith's older sister took us out with them. They were going to be seniors and therefore beyond cool in my mind. I don't have any recollection of the putt-putting, but I remember that car ride. It looks like there were seven of us in one car. I remember it being crowded. This was also my first exposure to country music, and the first time I'd ever heard John Michael Montgomery's "Sold". We listened to that song more than once and I loved it. I still love it, and now I know all the words. Again all I remember was that car ride, which was thrilling and involved Kelly driving the wrong way down McGalliard for a short way just west of Oakwood.

I don't have much to say about the last paragraph, except that we spent a lot of time talking about who likes whom so I needed to keep my diary abreast on such topics as well.

Big Time

I just want to tell you this story really quick. It involves a celebrity sighting, but it's not about how I saw Blake Shelton and Miranda Lambert at The Cheesecake Factory, even though that was amazing and I'll tell you all about it later if you want to hear. Anyway, this is about Alec Baldwin.

Most of my family is in Orlando for the volleyball AAU Nationals. Kyle and Lindsay are coaching teams, my dad is recruiting and my mom is mostly laying by the pool. Apparently Alec Baldwin's daughter is playing in the tournament so he was down there watching. There was a rumor that Kim Basinger was also there, but that's not been confirmed. Unfortunately for my family this initial Alec sighting was grossly overshadowed by my Blake and Miranda sighting. Lucky for them, though, their story got better. Now this next part has already been retold enough times that I can't guarantee all of the facts as I heard it third- or fourth-hand. So one of my dad's players, Jaclyn Hart, was walking around the convention center wearing Purdue gear and Alec Baldwin and his buddy stopped her and asked if she played for Purdue. (She's tall and was wearing Purdue stuff so this part isn't that impressive.) Although it is cool that Jaclyn's just standing there talking to Alec Baldwin. So they ask her if Dave Shondell coaches at Purdue. Alec Baldwin and my father's name are now in the same conversation. And it's not like, "Hi, I'm Dave Shondell". Alec Baldwin has spoke my father's name. Or heard his buddy say it, but since I wasn't there I'm going to go with spoke it. So Jaclyn tells them yes and Alec's friend then tells her that his wife also played for my dad. We still don't know when or where that took place, but it was pretty cool. My dad said you know you've hit the big time when the celebrities start asking about you. So while we may be stretching this a little bit, I'd say we've hit the big time. Boiler up!

Update: I have now learned that the friend of Alec Baldwin was Alec's daughter's coach's husband. And the coach hadn't actually played for my dad, but was from Muncie and her parents ran a small volleyball club and therefore knew my dad. This is how the guy recognized Jaclyn Hart and why he knew my dad.

29

Almost a year and a half ago, I wrote about my 29th birthday.(Happy Un-birthday), and as it has come and gone I really thought I needed to write a follow up piece. My plan 17 months ago was to have everything figured out by now. Unfortunately, that hasn't quite played out the way I'd hoped. I thought I had it figured out a few times. More than a few times, probably. What I have figured out is that I may never figure it out. I'm afraid that's not how it works. I've been waiting for an aha moment that might never come. (I don't want to say for sure because who knows - and since my point here is that I don't know what's going to happen, I don't feel comfortable ruling anything out.)

So let's quickly recap the last 18 months. I will keep this extremely brief. You'll have to buy my memoir if you want all the gory details. You can expect that to be published sometime in the next 2-20 years. I quit my not so bad job, worked hard to get into ITF (Indianapolis Teaching Fellows), got into ITF, worked through summer institute, got a job (my dream job), lost that job, searched for a job, took a job as a waitress (where I was recently named employee of the month!), while I continue to look for a job. In the midst of all that, I dated a handful of guys (half of whom I legitimately thought I'd marry - most of whom, I probably won't), and I made a lot of great new friends, (whom I've unfortunately taken for granted at times - I've had a slew of excuses, a few of which were valid, but I am sorry and love you all).

So that brings us to now. All those times that I was sure I had it figured out (and I suppose this goes back further than the first blog post), I was wrong. I thought I knew who I'd spend my life with, I thought I knew what I'd do for a living, but I was wrong. I still don't know. And I can't wait around for my life to start. I'm 29 years old and my life is happening right now. All of this stuff that I thought was just filler until the good stuff starts back up again, this is part of it. So for now I'm trying to spend less time waiting on my real life to begin and more time living the one I have now.

National Champs

July 3, 1996

Dear Diary,

Today is Wednesday. Tomorrow is the Fourth of July (obviously). We just got back from Nationals in San Jose, CA. Lindsay's team, the Tiggers, got third. They got beat by Puerto Rico.

My team, the Chipmunks, won. We won the whole thing. It was so sweet! I was extremely pumped. The thing is that since Valeri and I were alternates, we didn't get announced and we didn't get to be in the awards ceremony because we didn't get medals. Me and Valeri were like bawling. Then Uncle Steve gave Valeri his medal and Dad got me one. But the one Dad got wasn't right. IT was from the club tournament. I was really mad. They're going to order some more so me, Ashley and Mary and the other coaches can have one.

Then when we went to dinner to celebrate we had to get the coaches with a pie in the face. It's tradition. I got Dad so good! It was awesome.

Whitney is going with Troy. She has been for a couple of weeks. They're really cute together. Carly is still going with Ryan. I think she's going to break up with him though. Jennifer isn't really going with Melvin. Technically, they're still going out, but he's gone and she's been "talking" to Josh. I think I like Bryan, but I don't know. I know I need to stop, but I can't help it. The worst thing is that Meredith likes him and they are sort of talking. They've only talked on the phone twice. I can't tell her I like him though. For two reasons. One, she likes him and two, because she'll chew me out for still liking him. I just want a boyfriend. It doesn't have to necessarily be Bryan. Even though I would love to go with him.

This was the summer between 7th and 8th grade and winning Nationals was a huge deal. There were too many girls on the team. I never actually played, but really wanted to be included so not being included in the awards ceremony was very traumatic for me. And they never ordered more medals. That was a lie. Not cool.

What is a man?

I pasted an article here. A friend e-mailed it to me one day, saying "This is some Karli sh*t if I've ever seen it". He was right. I totally buy into it. I even started following Esquire on Twitter after reading it. Unfortunately they mostly post stuff about hot chicks, but it could be worse, I suppose. I cut out some parts because it's long and I was afraid you all wouldn't read it all if I posted the whole thing, but there's a link at the bottom and I do encourage you to read the whole thing. But read through it. I do think men should be men. And incidentally, I think women should be women, but I'm saving that for another post. Enjoy and let me know what you think.

A man carries cash. A man looks out for those around him — woman, friend, stranger. A man can cook eggs. A man can always find something good to watch on television. A man makes things — a rock wall, a table, the tuition money. Or he rebuilds — engines, watches, fortunes. He passes along expertise, one man to the next. Know-how survives him. This is immortality. A man can speak to dogs. A man fantasizes that kung fu lives deep inside him somewhere. A man knows how to sneak a look at cleavage and doesn't care if he gets busted once in a while. A man is good at his job. Not his work, not his avocation, not his hobby. Not his career. His job. It doesn't matter what his job is, because if a man doesn't like his job, he gets a new one....

A man doesn't point out that he did the dishes.

A man looks out for children. Makes them stand behind him.

A man knows how to bust balls.

A man has had liquor enough in his life that he can order a drink without sounding breathless, clueless, or obtuse. When he doesn't want to think, he orders bourbon or something on tap.

Never the sauvignon blanc...

Maybe he never has, and maybe he never will, but a man figures he can knock someone, somewhere, on his ass...

A man gets the door. Without thinking.

He stops traffic when he must...

A man knows his tools and how to use them — just the ones he needs. Knows which saw is for what, how to find the stud, when to use galvanized nails...

A man listens, and that's how he argues. He crafts opinions. He can pound the table, take the floor. It's not that he must. It's that he can.

He understands the basic mechanics of the planet. Or he can close one eye, look up at the sun, and tell you what time of day it is. Or where north is. He can tell you where you might find something to eat or where the fish run. He understands electricity or the internal-combustion engine, the mechanics of flight or how to figure a pitcher's ERA.

A man does not know everything. He doesn't try. He likes what other men know.

A man can tell you he was wrong. That he did wrong. That he planned to. He can tell you when he is lost. He can apologize, even if sometimes it's just to put an end to the bickering.

A man does not wither at the thought of dancing. But it is generally to be avoided.

A man watches. Sometimes he goes and sits at an auction knowing he won't spend a dime, witnessing the temptation and the maneuvering of others. Sometimes he stands on the street corner watching stuff. This is not about quietude so much as collection. It is not about meditation so much as considering. A man refracts his vision and gains acuity. This serves him in every way. No one taught him this — to be quiet, to cipher, to watch. In this way, in these moments, the man is like a zoo animal: both captive and free. You cannot take your eyes off a man when he is like that. You shouldn't. The hell if you know what he is thinking, who he is, or what he will do next.

Read more: http://www.esquire.com/features/what-is-a-man-0509#ixzz1HXCGyUD

Girl Talk - June 7, 1995

June 7, 1995

Dear Diary,

Today is Wednesday. This week is volleyball camp. Yesterday I went to the pool. After that I went home with Meredith.

There's this guy she really likes who she just found out likes her, too. At first the girl Dennis was going out with didn't want Meredith to go with Dennis, but then she finally said it was OK. Me and Meredith were talking to Dennis until like 12:15am. He is really nice. Meredith couldn't stop talking about him. She likes him so much. At first I felt sorry for her because that was before she knew Lori (his old girlfriend) said it was OK. While we were talking, this girl kept calling. Her name was Hailey. She called him like 7 times, literally. Dennis told me that Jennifer was trying to get him to ask this girl named Jackie. He said he didn't like her, but we later found out he was lying. He told Jennifer that he liked Meredith and Jackie the same. When I talked to him about 5 minutes after Jennifer got this information he told me he had changed his mind in those five minutes. He told me if we called him in the morning, he would probably ask her then. It was too early to call though so we called him back. He said he wasn't going to ask her, yet. That's it.

Cherelle was really getting on my nerves today at practice. First when I asked her about her party. She got all upset like I was complaining about not being invited, which I wasn't. Then she kept making faces and stuff. It was really getting on my nerves.

This summer, I spent about every day at Meredith's house because her parents worked. Mine were teachers so they were home during the summer, which was no fun. Meredith also had an older sister who would occasionally drive us places. Meredith also had her own phone line. Well, I guess she and her sister shared it, but her parents wouldn't pick it up. I didn't have that luxury at my house. Not that I got a lot of calls because I didn't. I was living in Meredith's world at this point. This actually went on for at least three more years. Interestingly enough, this summer (the summer between 7th and 8th grade) was, in my mind, awesome. I wasn't even living my life, but I thought it was awesome. My favorite song was All 4 One's I Can Love You Like That. I don't know what all that drama about Cherelle was about. Sounds like silly Burris drama that eventually pushed me to transfer to Northside for 8th grade.

I have some other non-old school stuff coming up so I hope I'm not driving you nuts with this middle school crap.

Way Back Wednesday: Mother's Day '95

May 14, 1995

Dear Diary,

Today is Mother's Day. Sorry I haven't written for a couple days. I have been really busy. Yesterday was really busy Day. Ashley's birthday party was Friday night. We went to the Mitchell [Elementary School] Mardi Gras. I got her this big ball that has glitter inside of it. We got one for ourselves, too. Stephanie also got Ashley one of those balls. We watched the movie Candyman. It was scary, but not that scary. After the movie we got in to this argument/discussion thing. We were talking about people being left out. It all started when we were playing Skeleton in the Closet. You know, when one person is in the middle and everyone else asks them questions. Whitney asked Ashley why they always leave her out. She said she didn't leave Whitney out and everyone knew it wasn't true. So Valeri and I started defending her and ourselves. Then Ashley started crying and went upstairs. Cherelle and Jessie went with her to like comfort her. Then me, Valeri, Whitney, Stephanie and Lesley stayed downstairs and talked about being left out. Even though Lesley leaves Whitney out, too. She still talked with us. We really deeded that. It was so nice to be able to talk about it with people who know how it feels, and talk about how the "leaver outers" say they know, but they don't. If they went through what we went through every day, they couldn't take it. They would snap. I mean like whenever me and Cherelle sat at our own table in S.S., she complained that they left us out everyday. Then when we would complain, she would talk about how it wasn't a big deal. They just don't realize how much it really hurts. You feel like they don't like you. They just act like they do it to be nice. They probably talk about us behind our backs, too. I talk about how sorry I feel for myself, but I feel really bad for Whitney. I mean, at least I have Valeri. She is all by herself. She doesn't have anyone. I hope next year it's me, Valeri and Whitney in one class and Leslie, Jessie, Ashley and Cherelle in the other. Either that or me and Valeri and someone else in one and everyone else in the other class. Then someone besides Valeri, Whitney and I can get left out and know how it feels. Well, if I am in the class with three, I just hope I am with Valeri or Whitney. Oh my gosh! I just thought, what if it isn't three and four? What if it's five and two or even six and one? Nah, they wouldn't do six and one would they? I hope not. That's mean. They know. They haven't done it yet. I'm just crossing my fingers.

Alright, sorry to write that much about that. Well, then after I got back from Ashley's party, I went to sleep. The guys had a soccer game, but I didn't go. Neither did anyone else though. I don't think at least because mom went to the mall and saw Jessie, Lesley and Cherelle. That was about 10 'til 4:00 when mom got home so about 3:30 when she saw them and the game started at 3:00. Then we went to Applebee's for kind of a Mother's Day dinner. It was fun. Since Mom had them write our name down before we came, we only had to wait 20 minutes. If she wouldn't have called, we would have waited at least an hour. The food was good. I had the chicken finger platte. Then we rented the movie The Princess Bride. I fell asleep after like the first half hour, but I watched the rest this morning.

I decided to go in order, selectively. By that I mean I'll go chronologically, but not post every entry and I reserve the right to change my mind at any point. And now, my 28-year-old reflection on my almost 13-year-old self. For starters, I see where my egocentric tendencies started. Could I talk any more about being left out? The four days I skipped also focused around this topic. So much pre-teen angst.

I should also say, for the official blog record, that I no longer have any hard feelings towards the girls mentioned in this story should they happen upon my blog and somehow figure out that I'm talking about them (even though I left out their last names for their privacy). Enjoy.