60 Days

In 60 days, I will be divorced. Finally, officially, legally and forever. Of course I do have some mixed emotions about this, but I am mostly relieved and ready to move on. What I am struggling with is what to do next. I think I am going to use these 60 days to focus on me, and only me. I know that sounds super cliche, but I think it's a nice finite guideline that will be good for me.

Here's the problem, I don't know what I am going to do for 60 days. Now I came to this 60 days thing for a couple different reasons. One of them is that all I really want to do is make out with boys, but this, too, comes with its own set of complications. First of all, shockingly, there are no available boys out there wanting to make out with me. Secondly, I don't want to jump into some new "relationship" just because I'm sad and lonely. This is how I came up with the 60 days. Now back to the problem....what am I going to do? I am lonely and in need of male companionship. I have not been alone like this in forever. I have impressed myself (and I'm sure everyone else) by how well I am doing so far, but I am getting impatient. Seriously.

There doesn't seem to be anyone within reach right now that I can latch onto (which could, theoretically, be a good thing, although I am not agreeing with that) and I don't know how to find somebody. I sit around and listen to country music and think about this perfect cowboy who's going to come sweep me off my feet, but since I'm not 6 I know that's not going to happen. I just want someone to want me. Come find me. I don't want to do the work. Plus no way could it work with anyone right now, it would be doomed to fail and I think everyone would judge me for dating or not dating or who I'm dating, etc. So that's why it's easier to wait. Easier in a really hard, sucky way.

I know that I should wait. In my head, I definitely know that. The last 60 days, I have been involved in a constant battle between my head and my heart. In my head, I know what I should do, I know that I'm going to be OK, and I know I should wait until I'm ready, but the illogical part of me just wants live in the moment and make myself happy right now. I don't want to wait, but I know that I need to. So I'm stuck somewhere in the middle. For 60 days.

Opinions are welcome.